CANCEROUS

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His hurt seemed to run deeper 

Than all of his friends 

Who spoke of women and clubs

But never the tumour in their brain 

The one which feasted on happiness 

Combatting the pills they popped 

And the powder they sniffed 

Just to remain stable 

He tried to speak up 

On a Saturday night 

After everyone had laced their noses 

High enough to forget in the morning 

Admissions poured from a distracted mouth 

Until there was nothing more to give 

Except the bile in his stomach 

And the tears from nights previous 

He spoke of the pain behind his eyes 

Every time they closed 

And the heaviness of his body 

Once it hit the mattress 

Between one and five every night 

As that’s the only place 

Where he could shut down 

For more than a minute at a time 

He blamed it on genetics 

Dads depression, mums anxiety 

A perfect concoction for whatever 

Plagued his broken brain 

He blamed it on his idleness 

The things he forgot to mention

At the booked doctor's appointment  

Which remained unattended 

Information spilled from him 

Like a loosened tap 

Sputtering and gurgling 

As the constraints were alleviated 

Bounds untied 

With every stray detail shared 

Projected onto glazed minds 

In the back of the bar 

Still they didn’t understand 

Searching for a taste of happiness 

Through the validation of strangers 

And the pliability of their lips 

Or their willingness to leave 

Unaware that the man in front of them 

Only felt something  

When he caught himself falling